Married to Candy for seven months now, I can’t say it’s been as difficult and drastic an adjustment as what I’d imagined, going by the well-meaning warnings from married friends. I know, we’re probably still in our honeymoon period, and the inevitable clashes from two sinful individuals having to face their imperfections twenty-four-seven weekly may eventually exact their toll when this dreamy phase wears off.
But for now, I honestly feel I’ve married the best wife I could ever have. It’s not that we don’t disagree or sin against each other. By God’s grace we could forgive each other, and I’m grateful she overlooks my wrong and respects me as her husband. She puts our little three-room home in order, and cooks me dinner (not often, but scrumptious and welcome each time). Most of all, she’s teachable and submissive to God, and that’s all a man could ever wish for.
In all this bliss, I’m motivated to learn everything I can about being a good husband. And God has begun to show me the privileges and weight of responsibility in the husband’s role.
God’s mandate for men
Ephesians 5:23 … commands us men to submit to our head Jesus Christ so we will love our wives and take full responsibility
First thing I’ve learnt is that whatever happens in the home, the husband is ultimately responsible. What Ephesians 5:23 means is that I’m responsible for everything involving my wife and family. This doesn’t encourage chauvinism; to the contrary it commands us men to submit to our head, Jesus Christ, so we will love our wives and take full responsibility for the family.
I used to pray that I’ll marry a Proverbs 31 wife: strong, godly, faithful, hard-working, laughs at adversity, respected by all. It only recently dawned on me that without a husband who patiently loves, teaches and cultivates her like Christ loves the church, a woman doesn’t become that kind of wife. The husband is ultimately responsible.
And while I cannot control how my children will one day turn out, it is my privilege and responsibility to train them in God’s ways with all my resources. Whether the Toh family remains passionately faithful to the Gospel or compromises with the world, I am responsible.
To be a good minister, I must be a good pastor of my home
As a single young man, I joined the staff of Campus Crusade to be an evangelist proclaiming the Gospel and making disciples of Christ. Now I’m learning that to be a good Gospel minister of his people, I must be a good pastor of my home. So often I’ve got that backwards! In our godless culture, if I raise a family that loves Jesus, submits to the Bible and honours God and people, that would be so counter-cultural, it would be my greatest ministry impact!
The job of building a God-fearing household is enormous. How will I make enough to provide? Will I remain faithful to study to know God through his Word? Am I willing to continually repent whenever my sinful inclinations are brought to light by his Spirit?
It will take my best efforts and more discipline and hard work than I’ve ever exerted. Yet I want to do it because it will be glorious. I want to build a godly legacy together with Candy that will point people to the glorious God we serve.
As I write this update I remember sharing prayer requests in our last newsletter, and I see how faithfully God has been answering your prayers for our fledgling marriage up to this point. It reminds me that prayer and dependence on God is the only way to succeed. We are always thankful for your participation in our lives through your prayers and support.
(I’m eternally grateful for Pastor Mark Driscoll’s sermons on the book of Proverbs, especially this one and this one where I’ve learnt from him everything that I shared in this post.)
